


I'd Expected Her To Fear

by impertinence



Category: October Daye Series - Seanan McGuire
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 04:11:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/961418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impertinence/pseuds/impertinence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>May tries not to think about everything Jasmine does for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'd Expected Her To Fear

**Author's Note:**

> abby beta'd this. title from Live Oak by Jason Isbell.

May knew she asked a lot of Jasmine. 

May got into this deliberately, with Dare's memories still swimming around in her head. She didn't think Toby got it, not completely - it wasn't only the hero worship that made her take Toby's face and memories. Dare was young, but her knowledge of Faerie was extensive, made moreso by the faces May had worn before Dare. And it was funny; May wasn't Toby and she wasn't Dare, nor was she any of the other deaths she'd worn throughout the years. But somewhere in there, she'd gotten an affinity for changelings - and then Dare happened, and that was enough to propel May into the duty of being Toby's Fetch.

Of course, that shouldn't have lasted forever. But it did, and May wasn't sure how long 'forever' was, in this case. Would she stay alive even after Toby died? Which she inevitably would, even if she wasn't as suicidal recently as she'd been in the past. 

Still, May had made her choices. She'd stayed with Toby, and watched as Toby came into her power and her influence in the higher echelons of Faerie grew ever stronger. The fact that Toby hadn't guessed where Quentin came from - her being a bit of an idiot didn't mitigate just how far her reach extended. And someday she'd realize it.

So May had chosen her fate. But Jasmine? Jasmine was supposed to be a fling, someone May met while trying out being among the fae in a true way, rather than lurking in the shadows and being a freak manifestation of Faerie's most often-repressed secret. May could never tell if Jasmine was involved with Toby for Toby's sake - she had that effect on people - or for May's. And if May was a little jealous of Toby, of her magnetism and power, well, there was no reason for Toby to know that.

And May did love Toby. As much as she loved Jasmine, if in a different way. And she wanted to ask Jasmine if she stayed for just May's sake, if she was caught up in Toby's whole thing, if she'd stay if Toby - when Toby - died. 

Unless Toby went fully Fae, in which case, May had no idea what would happen. May and Tybalt had shared more than a few moments of fear regarding exactly that possibility. Faerie wasn't kind to the unprecedented. 

The sun had set a couple of hours ago when Jasmine woke up. Late, for her, but May wasn't going to complain. She'd gotten to sit in bed with a sketch pad while Jasmine slept. "Hey," Jasmine said, smiling up at May.

"Hey." May leaned down and kissed her. "Good sleep?"

"The best. Your bed is so nice."

"Compliments of the the Duke."

"So many things are." Jasmine quirked her eyebrows. "Or the Luidaeg. Think we'll be getting presents from the High King and Queen soon?"

May rolled her eyes, doing her best not to tense at _we_. "I think not being killed for the insurrection is present enough."

"True enough." Jasmine stretched and hooked an ankle around May's outstretched leg. "Your neck's almost healed."

It had stopped hurting, which meant May had forgotten about it. "Good to know."

Jasmine leaned up and kissed it. May dropped the sketchpad.

"I never mentioned it," she said as Jasmine's hand crept up her shirt.

"Mentioned what?"

"The crows."

Jasmine shrugged, kissing May's jaw. "It was the least I could do."

"No, but -"

"Hush," Jasmine said. She pulled back, a strange expression on her face. "I...you know I'll do what you need."

May knew she was skirting dangerously close to the bounds of thanking Jasmine. Night haunts didn't have the same standards as the rest of Faerie, but that still held them fast. So she just said, "I just didn't realize my girlfriend had that much influence with the locals," and pulled Jasmine close, kissing her.

 

Later, she went down to get tea. Toby was in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and drinking coffee. May had long since stopped thinking of herself as a night haunt wearing Toby's face; it helped that Toby got more fae by the day. Or at least, that's how it seemed. May wasn't sure Toby had let herself notice how far along the change was. She wondered if Toby ever thought about the way her blood sang for change, in one direction or another. May's borrowed memories told her that much; but they also told her that Toby had blocked off whole parts of her life and memory, for the sake of her tenuous connection to the human world.

"You and Jasmine are having a good evening," Toby said dryly.

May didn't blush. "The walls here are thick."

"And yet, I always know." Toast popped, and Toby grabbed it, smearing radioactive-red jam on it. "I might have a case."

She said it with studied casualness, the kind May had learned to recognize meant trouble. "Oh?"

"Nothing major."

"Liar." May grabbed a Coke from the fridge. "You know I can always tell."

Toby scowled. "It could be nothing major. It could be a simple, open-and-shut murder case."

"But?"

"But," Toby said, drawing out the syllable, "It's one of Sylvester's men, in his knowe."

One of the most secure places in the Mists. "Oak and ash."

Toby took a deep breath, like she was bracing herself for something. "I'll need your help."

"You know you have it."

"Being my Fetch -"

"Being your friend." May had a sunny disposition, but right now her scowl mirrored Toby's. "Your friend, whether you like it or not."

"I know." Toby looked down at her mug of coffee, then downed it all in one gulp. "Let's get to work."

 

May didn't want the evidence to point to Amandine, but it did anyway. Three dead changelings later - one of them so far gone he was too mad to realize who Toby was, or that she'd kill him to protect Sylvester without a thought - Toby sat in their kitchen with her head in her hands. "I don't want it to be her," she told the table.

"Faerie has infinite mysteries," Tybalt said. He was hovering close by, looking like he wanted to grab Toby and drag her into physical contact. May knew he wouldn't, and respected him for it. "She might have had reasons, or been compelled -"

Toby laughed bitterly. "Compelling a Firstborn?"

"You of all people should know this might not be as it seems." Tybalt sat down at the table. "October. Come out of yourself. Let yourself rest."

She hadn't been almost killed this time, but it was just a matter of time, and May knew it. "We all need sleep," she said. "Tybalt, make her go to bed. I'm going upstairs." She treaded heavily all the way up; Toby got jumpy after cases that upset her, and she wouldn't want to deal with May moving lightly right now, being even more fae than Toby herself.

She'd only been lying in bed for a few minutes when a crow pecked at the window. It was just a courtesy; May left her window open most of the time, a charm keeping the bugs out. Moments later, Jasmine was crawling into bed with May.

After long minutes of silence, Jasmine said, "It's possible Amandine has crossed that line."

"Sure," May said. "But I'm not going to tell Toby that. And it's more Amandine's style to be impossible to find, anyway. Why would she attack Sylvester's knowe?"

"That, I don't have an answer to." Jasmine petted May's hair. "But the next time you need eyes throughout the city -"

Guilt flooded May. "I don't want to ask. You do enough."

"Do you think I don't believe in her?" Jasmine's eyes were even more piercing than usual. "She's got so many people on her side. The night haunts _like_ her."

"I know that," May said. She maybe snapped it, but Jasmine couldn't forget, she couldn't -

"Hush." Jasmine kissed her, a brief peck. "I know. But with so many people allied to her, you think I'm not?"

"I hadn't thought about it."

"Oh, hadn't you?"

May looked away. "You don't have to be."

"I don't." Jasmine touched May's neck. "I am."

"Until?"

"Until this ends."

Jasmine said it matter-of-factly. May rolled over and closed her eyes so she didn't have to think about it. She was a Fetch: the destruction of Fae and human realms alike might not even be enough to kill her. And she didn't want to think about it.

She woke up the next night with Jasmine's lips on her, dragging down her neck. May held on, screwing her eyes shut and thinking: Stay alive, Toby. Stay alive and good.

May would follow her anywhere, but she didn't want Jasmine to have to. 

_Stay alive._


End file.
